i never thought.....

i never thought that my baby would come six weeks early

i never thought that he would be rushed away to the nicu before i got a chance to hold him

i never thought that it would be a whole week before i could hold him for the first time

i never knew that it would be so difficult to feed him

i never thought that he would live in the nicu for two months

i never thought that i would feel like his nicu nurses knew him better than i did

i never knew that once he got home it would still be so difficult to feed him

i never thought that my whole life with my baby would revolve around trying so hard to get him to eat enough for six whole months, while his weight fell off the charts because he just wouldn't

i never knew that i would ultimately fail at bottle feeding my baby and he would end up back on the feeding tube

i never thought that i would have to rush my baby to the emergency room at four months old because he was having seizures

i never thought that when he had the cat scan at the er they would tell me that he has something called pvl as well

i never knew that i would be so scared

i never thought that i would have to wonder if my baby will ever be able to see my face

i never knew that some doctors could be so careless.....while others could be so great

i never thought that i would have a pediatrician, a neurologist, a developmental pediatrician, a pt, an ot, a feeding therapist, an opthamologist, a gastroenterologist, a nutritionist, a vision therapist, and a developmental therapist....along with two or three appointments a week....

i never knew how proud i would be of him for trying so hard

i never thought i would have a baby who would be diagnosed with cerebral palsy

i never though that i would actually feel relief for finally knowing for sure

i never knew how hard this was all going to be

i always knew that i would love him

i never knew how much