Sunday, November 9, 2008

a birthday quickly approaches

things have been a bit crazy around here with pt, ot, and speech therapy for milo three times a week now at our children's house...plus all of his doctors appointments and specialists which already kept us pretty busy. i feel like i'm never home, but busy is good because when your busy there is less time to think and dwell on things and become overwhelmed.

milo's birthday is coming up and i guess i never really thought about how i would feel about it...i mean of course i'm happy because it represents the fact that we all made it through this challenging year, and of course it's a birthday, which is suppose to be happy, right? but it also reminds me of all the things that a "normal" kid milo's age would be doing right now...learning to walk, saying words, even simple things like eating food...milo can't even hold his head up let alone sit or stand, and he is fed primarily through a feeding tube.

overall i accept the way things are at this point, but i still have my moments where i get stuck on thinking about how unfair it is, and his birthday has sort of stirred up all of those feelings. it also brings up the memories of how he came too early, and if he hadn't things might be so different...sigh. but that's just the negative emotions i've been feeling...and there is so much more positive than negative.

5 comments:

Mommy07 said...

I am sorry. I'm not going to say I understand because I don't. I can imagine though, and I imagine it to be pretty difficult. Noah's birthday brought with it a lot of emotions for me as well. The whole situation of his birth and the days to follow were really really shitty...and thinking about them brought a flood of emotion.
One day at a time !
When is his actual birthday?

jamie said...

on november 27...thanksgiving this year actually

Anonymous said...

I would agree, the first birthday is hard. It is hard because you think about everything your child should be doing but can't. It is just so unfair and has made me feel cheated to some degree. I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but it doesn't, it just changes. You are right, there is so much more positive than negative, though! Thinking of you.

sarah said...

what a cute batman! he's lookin' handsome, and getting bigger! nice head of hair too! your beautiful eyes jamie....love you guys, can't wait to see him again!

carina said...

Hi, My first time here and Milo is absolutely gorgeous. Very kissable lips!!!
I know how you feel. Being the parent of a disabled child is in part bereavement. You will forever moarn the loss of the dream you cherised for him. Birthdays, peers etc all makes that harder. Until you learn to move the goal posts. Then, only then, do these things make no difference. He is your son. period. It makes no difference whether he can eat, drink, poo, wee whatever. But..it takes time, I can vouch for that. One morning you will wake up and think of smiling babies...and Milo will be the only face you see. "Normal" babies will be weird. Like my seven-year old the other day - he was completely amazed that a 6 months old baby of a friend could chew a chip. That kid was weird to him. Milo will become your normal you can count on it. Good luck to you, love him lots - he is gorgeous.

 
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